An update on me.

[kalina]

The Memorial Day weekend wasn't fun for me because on Friday, May 28, I decided that life wasn't worth living and attempted suicide. I tried overdosing on Benadryl and vodka starting at 11:50pm. I climbed into bed with my wife and she felt the suicide note I taped to my chest. She read the note, cried hysterically, called 911, and I was taken to HUP (Hospital of the Univ of Penn) where I stayed until June 1. On June 1, I was transferred me to a psych hospital where I spent the next 7 days and saw a psychiatrist and numerous therapists. They have me on an anti-depressant med now (Celexa). What triggered this was April 28 when my wife (and best friend) formally asked for a divorce. She admitted that we were basically living as friends for the past X number of years and not like a married couple, which is quite true. She said that she did not want to be married to a woman and that the breakup was for the best. Deep down inside, I knew she was right, but we have two kids and to not be able to see them on a daily basis would be heartbreaking to me. To give up being myself just to be able to see them would also be heartbreaking to me. So, to end the pain, I decided to end myself, which in retrospect was a really dumb thing to do. All of my friends said that I should've called them no matter what the hour to talk about things, but I felt a foolish pride about myself so I never called anyone. All along people have come to me for advice, so I felt funny asking for help from anyone.

Anyway, I'm much better now. I was released from the hospital on Monday and in better spirits.

[Ecstatic]

Glad to hear you're in better spirits now, Kalina. It's a little late to say, but I want you to know that you can call me anytime if you need some tea and sympathy. Talk about a rock and a hard place. Be strong, and know that you have friends who you can lean on.

[benben1]

Get better

[jomamaha]

I'm sorry for your loss but feel fantastic for your revitaliastion which will happen...don't bounce yet

[jomamaha]

I'm not aloud to make the mice and men happen here but I need you to understand that you can make it all happen with a youtube...

a song from swithcfoot called we were ment to live for so much more please do it.

God damn spam! I am so pissed!

I can't just show you and that sucks...

[NagaSama]

O.O Kalina-chan? *hugs* Grrrr, Add me to the list of numerous people who u can call if u ever need someone to talk to....been at that place before. never wanna go there again, and have promised myself I won't allow those i like as friends or more go down that road either, so message me if u wanna K? heres my email Maetel@att.net just in case K? cos i know ya have lots closer of friends, but the more the merrier right :P

*hugs*

[Fairymouse]

@ Kalina:

I don´t know, what to write...

Only, I know this feeling, to be near to sucide, feel hughed...

*hughs*

[xact]

My dear Kalina... What to say... Keep smiling to us and to yourself...

[BeardedOne]

I've wondered about this from recent messages, but wasn't sure how to reply. :/

Been there, done that, still working on it.

Please give me a ping.

[BeardedOne]

Gawd! Double post!

[orion]

this i really not expect of you kalina.
grrrrr.
ok i was looking at some old fav links in my hd and came across kalina flicker link.
i clicked it to see whats new.
kalina dose not update her flicker much but i thought i take a peek.

i thought to myself kalina been kinda quite here.
mayby she just sick of my bad grammer and long bs posts that allways move off topic..,lol

kalina had some new pics.
so i decide to make a post about her green top pic.
i log in and well i see a new kalina post.
i read and to my total surprise i see this.

i am so floored.
i feel anger and alittle relief as kalina is now ok.
yes i am mad because i highly respect kalina in so many ways.
she bright and has endless hobies and also gives alot back and never get sucked into the 'i am a diva and screw you all " world.
so also dont try to say how some should live or act like some do or what terms should fit.
i respect her gentle nature.

that said i want to add people like this are very rare.
helping others when they could just make money and follow the i rage of whats new.

this message is kalina.

kalina i know you feel certin things and mayby feel pressured and such but just remeber this.
alot of people love you here.
but also some count on you.
i really dont know you at all but from what i see you inspire many girls with you night out and are there for some who need someone like you.
i hope you think of them and how you effect there lifes.
mayby this might sould silly and all but remember quantaum leap and sam.
sam said to the old man that he was just jumping around and really did nothing much in his life.
i think it was god who said this,you not only touch one life but the lifes that are touched by them as well.

remember that kalina please because you do touch alot of lifes and they inturn do as well and it kinda like a snowball on a mountain rolling downhill.

i hope your ok and try to find a way to solve problems.
mayby you give so much that there so little left for you.
i find that easy to belive because sometimes people who give so much often leave nothing for themself.
if it ever the case i sure there many who can reach out if only you hold out your hand.

if ever the need please do.
i know i not anywhere near your level but if there anything i can do well you may only need to reach out.
i sure many here would be happy to do the same.

find peace in your self please.

ps i did love the green top pics but i wont post a thread on it.
it was the green back top with the great smile.

[DeliaTS]

Sorry to hear about your recent troubles Kalina. I know how shitty life can be at times. Be strong and remember that this too shall pass. Sending all my loving healing energy your way :) Very relieved to know that you are still with us. Whew!

[Charleston]

Glad to hear that you are on the mend. Delia is correct that "this too shall pass".

[kramtime1]

Tough times don't last. Tough people do. Stay strong, my friend.

[flombago]

I wasn't sure how to respond to this since it's highly personal and I don't know you well.

But my thoughts about suicide (FWIW) is that if you die you lose the chance to fight on and to solve the problems you face. I don't know how to solve the problems in your case, but I'd start by talking to everyone involved, friends and family, and try to work out reasonable compromises.

Good luck. Hope things work out for you.

[kalina]

I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who posted here, sent me email, and called me. You all have a special place in my heart. My goals right now are to move forward from all of this and hope that everything will be all right.

[NagaSama]

*wish i could fly over and give Kalina-chan a hug* I love hugs, im really a big teddy bear *that apparently sounds like Jack Black, or so said some random 17yo japanese girl at the mall who spoke very broken english but was completely adorable when she was trying to put sentences together xD! *thats it i must go download the Rosetta stone software for japanese, so i can go to japan and feel as equally lost trying to talk in a foreign country*

[orion]

something i thought of.

YouTube- Jay Chou - Chrysanthemum Flower Bed (Ju Hua Tai) Sub'd

YouTube- The Red Violin (Very sad violin music)

YouTube- A Dream Discarded- Memoirs of a Geisha Soundtrack

A flower cannot choice where to grow.

It seed is blown in the wind.

For this is karma.

We must take great care that we do not make or lifes imposible.

For if we do we become the flower at the mercy of the wind,sun and rain.

Such is destinys will.

And if we are lucky,somewhere in between we can find peace.

[jenny_landis]

we all feel down sometimes glad u got thru it

[Trogdor]

we all feel down sometimes glad u got thru it


What she said.
Amazing what I miss when I'm away for a few weeks. o.o;

[WisdomInfinite]

I never expected to read this. I'm so glad that someone stopped you.

Peace and love, Kalina.

[Jordan]

Kalina! You are a great person, beautiful inside and out! NEVER forget that!!
~All my Love
Jordan

[orion]

i so miss kalina here.
i think i having cosplay pic withdrawels.
come back kalina and rock out the joint.

[rockabilly]

Sorry Kalina , I hope you're better.

[MystiquEvolution]

OMG! I'm sorry for the heartbreaking news but I am glad to know you're still here with us deary. Life takes many twists and turns. It reminds me of what I heard the first day of orientation in college. Take a look around you. Not everyone will be here next year. People grow apart unfortunately. In the end, you both will always be friends I hope and you will still have a close connection with your children. Its better to live with that than not being able to live with who you are.

*HUGS*