mocha09276367528
12-08-2009, 12:12 AM
How important is sex into a relationship?
Sex is important to the marriage relationship, but it can bring the added responsibiliy of unplanned pregnancy and parenting to the dating relationship.
I think it is pretty important, but this is one of those questions where it all depends on what level you are at in your relationship. I think it's a huge mistake people are making by having sex to soon.
I call it a mistake, because once we have sex with somebody, there is a whole different level of expectation in the relationship. This is not for everybody, because some people don't have any expectations around it. But in general, when we want a long-term loving relationship, and we have sex with somebody right away, it puts a level of pressure on that situation that is this premature. We don't take the time to find out whether the relationship actually has a foundation. We don't take the time to find out whether there is an element of responsibility in the other person or if their self-esteem is healthy.
It is a tricky situation when we jump into sex right away, because in part, sex has huge consequences attached to it. Some of the obvious consequences are sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy. We ask more questions about a house or a car we are buying than somebody we're going to go home and have sex with and who we may end up co-parenting with for the rest of our lives. It is frightening when you look at it like that, and we don't think about that in the heat of the moment. Even if you are on birth control you can still end up being a parent with this person. The other side is the emotional side. Typically women call it making love, because it makes you feel loving. It makes you feel that element of love, but what it doesn't do is make you necessarily feel loved. That can leave a really big gap, because we may not be feeling love in return. That is partly because there is a lot more true love than sex, and you can have sex without love.
One of the number one complaints in long term relationships is that the sexual passion dies out, and people stop having sex. I think is something we could get kind of complacent about. It's hard when you have jobs, responsibilities, ill health, or children. You have very little time. I think it is a critical element of a relationship to make sure you keep that physical touch going as much as you can. One of the ironies is that women complain about a lack of foreplay and men complain about a lack of sex. I think that if men realized that foreplay is what makes women want to have sex, they couldn't really tune it out. There is a connection between quality and quantity. If it was good for you but not for me, it doesn't make me necessarily want to do it again. My book is not a "How to Have Sex" book, but I do think that some elements can be introduced to the physical relationship to really help it along. I think men could certainly be more conscientious about the recognition that sex for a woman is not the same as sex for man. Foreplay for the woman is not the same as the foreplay for the man. As a woman, we have to recognize that we can't change the guy, but we can change the way we respond and what we request. We can make suggestions, and we can take responsibilities for our part in all of that. I think we also have to take responsibility for recognizing that men have certain needs, and that their needs may not be the same as ours.
Let me know about your own opinions. I will be glad to talk to you then...
Sundee Hernandez
Mobile No#: +63-919-831-1573
+63-922-745-5428
Sex is important to the marriage relationship, but it can bring the added responsibiliy of unplanned pregnancy and parenting to the dating relationship.
I think it is pretty important, but this is one of those questions where it all depends on what level you are at in your relationship. I think it's a huge mistake people are making by having sex to soon.
I call it a mistake, because once we have sex with somebody, there is a whole different level of expectation in the relationship. This is not for everybody, because some people don't have any expectations around it. But in general, when we want a long-term loving relationship, and we have sex with somebody right away, it puts a level of pressure on that situation that is this premature. We don't take the time to find out whether the relationship actually has a foundation. We don't take the time to find out whether there is an element of responsibility in the other person or if their self-esteem is healthy.
It is a tricky situation when we jump into sex right away, because in part, sex has huge consequences attached to it. Some of the obvious consequences are sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy. We ask more questions about a house or a car we are buying than somebody we're going to go home and have sex with and who we may end up co-parenting with for the rest of our lives. It is frightening when you look at it like that, and we don't think about that in the heat of the moment. Even if you are on birth control you can still end up being a parent with this person. The other side is the emotional side. Typically women call it making love, because it makes you feel loving. It makes you feel that element of love, but what it doesn't do is make you necessarily feel loved. That can leave a really big gap, because we may not be feeling love in return. That is partly because there is a lot more true love than sex, and you can have sex without love.
One of the number one complaints in long term relationships is that the sexual passion dies out, and people stop having sex. I think is something we could get kind of complacent about. It's hard when you have jobs, responsibilities, ill health, or children. You have very little time. I think it is a critical element of a relationship to make sure you keep that physical touch going as much as you can. One of the ironies is that women complain about a lack of foreplay and men complain about a lack of sex. I think that if men realized that foreplay is what makes women want to have sex, they couldn't really tune it out. There is a connection between quality and quantity. If it was good for you but not for me, it doesn't make me necessarily want to do it again. My book is not a "How to Have Sex" book, but I do think that some elements can be introduced to the physical relationship to really help it along. I think men could certainly be more conscientious about the recognition that sex for a woman is not the same as sex for man. Foreplay for the woman is not the same as the foreplay for the man. As a woman, we have to recognize that we can't change the guy, but we can change the way we respond and what we request. We can make suggestions, and we can take responsibilities for our part in all of that. I think we also have to take responsibility for recognizing that men have certain needs, and that their needs may not be the same as ours.
Let me know about your own opinions. I will be glad to talk to you then...
Sundee Hernandez
Mobile No#: +63-919-831-1573
+63-922-745-5428