So is no one looking for true love?

[thealtsoc]

I see alot of personal sites, some are pay, no one is here to find a special someone if their out there?

[Jaxxy]

There are good people out there but in a world like this it's hard to sniff them out. After all, love is an illusion to selfishly fulfill ones needs and desires.

[quirkymuse]

There are good people out there but in a world like this it's hard to sniff them out. After all, love is an illusion to selfishly fulfill ones needs and desires.

i don't think love is an illusion, i think its an addiction...and like 90% of addictions it doesn't end well

that being said, love (somewhat like addicitons) does have some good times...try to remember them when you are standing on a ledge.

[rockabilly]

Finding a true love is harder than one might think. When you find someone who fills your heart w/ joy and makes you want to be a better person & they accept you and all your faults and flaws and you theirs as well ... then they could be the one. " Sex is easy , Love is hard " :)

[GroobyKrissy]

So looking for a LTR but all the boys just want to play and the men are all married :( Plus... slim pickings up here in the PNW :)

[kalina]

It is so hard to talk about relationships in a forum because everyone comes from a unique and diverse background. What may apply to one person may totally not apply to someone else from a different environment. I say the best way to meet someone is to not look on forums or web sites :) and just go out to clubs... and by that I do not mean ts go-go bars :)

[Mikel]

So looking for a LTR but all the boys just want to play and the men are all married :( Plus... slim pickings up here in the PNW :)

Ugh... I hate being referred to as a man, rather than a boy... Being called "man" over "boy" makes me feel like I'm old, and I'm not...
But... I'm a boy, and I have never "played," so I suppose there are exceptions to all "rules" lol.
At the same time, there just isn't anyone near here, but that's cool, because I'm probably going to move, again.

[flombago]

In the past 3 years there was at least one TGirl who met her special guy on this site, and they got married. And there were hints of others hooking up, not sure how it worked out.

I agree mostly with Kalina except I think that the "friend-of-a-friend" network may be better for meeting someone than a club. For clubs it depends on how close to average you are; if you deviate a lot from average in some ways a club may not work because nobody can relate to you. In that case, friend-networks work better, on the theory that "birds of a feather flock together". That's my experience.

[thealtsoc]

Yeah I'm a nerd rapper, don't fit in my social sets, hehe.

[Trogdor]

Nope, there's no such thing.
And I might be only 30, but I have 15 years experience in matters like this.

Here's something I typed about covering my luck ( more like lack of luck ) over the past 15 years. I posted this once before, but for those who may not remember, or for the new folks, here's my lousy time with finding someone, keep in mind this is a more like an abridged version, the full one would take forever and a day to type.

If anyone gets offended by the following rant......tough rocks.


Lemme give a small, abridged track record with GG's, then I'll continue:

1994-1998, my high school years. Nothing.....absolutely nothing. Nothing but "Can't we just be friends?" speeches left and right. One girl in my first year of high school, a few days before xmas vacation, was coming on to me, was all touchy feely, and flirty, and I felt like I was top of the world. I went out that day after school feeling like a real man for a change, and celebrated by spending my xmas cash on some gifts for everyone and a nice dinner for myself at one of the restaurants near the school before going home. Well, next day I I slide my chair next to her before class ends and start up some talk again…..turns out all that attention she was giving me was just a joke…a prank…..and it was not only her idea, but one of my ‘so-called buddies’ was in on this and they pretty much had a cheap laugh at my expense. I was so mad I punched my locker so hard that I dented it slightly, amazingly I did not break my hand, just dislocated a finger, which I popped back in. And I tried with over 100 girls over those four years, you’d think ONE of them would instead of saying, “I like you a lot, but can’t we just be friends?” and say instead, “Yes, It’s a date!” No high school sweet heart, no dating, no senior prom. ( and for the prom bit, going stag is as pathetic, in my opinion, as bringing an ugly girl or paying some chick to pretend she's your date ). Like how Michael Jackson had no childhood when he was a child, and look at the trainwreck he’s become. I did not have what you could call a "teenagehood" ...might explain my messed up mentality, eh?

And not from 1998 onwards. I met an awesome girl, very unique one in the form of a hermaphrodite babe. She was dark haired, quite petite, a sexy goth babe without the despressed disposition they typically have. We had a great time, first girl I spelt with too, but she had a millitary dad, which ment they had to move about from time to time, and well, she moved a few months after I met her, and never seen her again.

November 1999. I was at Gibralter Trade Center, which is like a large public weekend market place. I met this cutie there at the holestic area I was at, where I often buy crystals or other magic related stuff. Anyhow, she noticed I was checking her out ( she looked alot like Bif Naked, not as super lean as Bif is, but still nice ). We hit it off fast, had rather steamy phone conversations, dated a week later, she was very bi and brought her g/f on our second date. All went well till 2000. In April I called her, only to find out she and her family moved away....new people we at the house. I tried her cell phone and her pager....they were no longer in use. She totally vanished from my life, and she did not tell me about it.....no phone call, no e-mail, not even a letter. She did not even say goodbye....as like I was not importent to her enough to even say anything.

November/December 2001-Feburary 2002. I knew a girl at a store I used to work at and we hit it off nicely. A cute, tall redhead. We chatted alot on AOL, ( though we lived nearby, the areas codes made us long distance, so AOL was cheaper ) we got along great and were planning to start dating. We were gonna start at the end of Febuary, and on Valentine's day, I went to the store with a bunch of flowers and a red stuffed bear to give to her. I waited a few minutes and there she was, I walked up to her with my hands behind my back and a smile on my face. We said hi and she said she had to tell me something. Turns out she was seeing someone else....."great," I thought to myself, someone beat me to it yet again." I asked her whom, she said she is going back to see her ex. Now, to let you know, her ex was a drummer from a no name garage rockband and that he was treating her very badly, calling her bad names, and I bet anything he struck her before. So, she said she was so sorry, and I said, "Yes....I just bet you are." I showed her the gifts and walked to the doors of the store and stuffed both the flowers and the bear in the trashcan and left.
And guess what? About 2 years later, a buddy of mine who worked there also IM'ed me one night and told me, "You know that redhead you liked alot a few years ago?" I said, "yea, what about her?" He said, "Well, that rocker guy she went back to got her all knocked-up, and when he found out, he skipped town fast." So, not only did she turn me down for Mr. Bad-Ass Rock n' Roller, she now has herself a bastard hell-spawn now also. If that chick is reading this thread somehow, I got 3 words for you, "You go, girl." rolleyes.gif

2000-2003. I was in a long distence relationship with a girl in Georgia, and we were doing great. She was a hottie...she looked like that girl with the short dark hair in Pamela Anderson's VIP series, if anyone remembers. Anyhow, we were getting pretty close and lovey dovey. In 2002, we were planning to see each other in person. I was saving every penny I could and did not buy anything for myself during the summer of that year. In January 2003, I was about ready to see her and I IM'ed her and said I would be ready within a week to see her. She was acting somewhat out of the normal that night, so I figured I bet try to find out what. Well, after steering about the conversation and so on, I found out. She said she's gonna move outta her mom's house and with Stacey. I thought to myself, "Hmmm, odd, her and her mom are like awesome friends, and she's only 19, does not sound like her." She and her mom stuck like glue since the dad left when this chick was not even 2, so her sudden moving was like a big suprise. Also, I know she is bisexual, and figured, "Ok, so met a nice girl and is moving in with her.....could be fun, maybe I might meet 2 girls when I see her, perhaps." Well, turns out Stacey's a guy in the army she hooked up with. What sorta fucked up parents name a guy Stacey, anyhow? Anyways, I asked her what about us? I asked her if it's over now. She said, "Yea, I guess so.....I'm sorry." I got her name off my IM list right away and then went downstairs and pretty much trashed the basement in anger. Picture that scene from Darkman where Westlake went into rage and tore apart his lab.....that was pretty much me. My cats had to leave the room, it was so bad. I later tried to get drunk.....a 6 pack of beer and a bottle of wine....nothing.....bad enough i got fucked over big time, I could not even get wasted to drown my anger. Anyhow, she married this guy later, a friend of hers and mine told me. She always wanted to get into the army, and seems she wanted to find an easier way to do so. Her friend also told me Stacey was unfaithful and saw other chicks also. So now this chick's devorced younger than Britney, and this chick has nothing to show for it except the extra weight she put on from the birthcontrol pills she took since he was not wanting to wear a rubber. You go, girl.

2004 to present. It's been pretty much the same, girls giving me the fucking friends speech, trying to hook me up with their lonely and very unattractive girlfriends ( which in even more of an insult to me. ), and so on. In 2004, I met online an awesome asian babe. She was gorgious, friendly, liked Transformers even more than I do XD. She was born and raised in Hawaii, and was working in Japan as a translator for Square-Enix and a few geek related magazines. We got off well, on her forums, I once mentioned in a thread about how awful girls in the Midwest, especially Michigan. And I said how I outta move to California one day, and she said, "Or maybe Japan! " I mean she pretty much said it right there how she felt about me. Anyhow, in late 2006, she said she was moving back to Hawaii soon. She was not happy cause Japan was more fun than the states, especially when it comes to collecting things and other geeky hobbies. We talked on the phone often....god her voice was angelic *_*. New Years eve, 2007, we were on the phone, but both of our phones died out on us. Within 10 minutes, she sent me an email telling me her phone went out on her, and apologized and I told her the same in the reply. We chatted on MSN a couple of nights later. And when I asked her what she thought of me visiting her soon, and she said "Sure, I think that would be fun " All going good so far, yes? Well, soon she vanished.....from my messangers and even the Transformers forum she set up for the small knit group of friends and buddies in the hobby, and the site was more fun and kick ass than any of the big forums like Sibertron.com. Everyone on the forum now calls her "Captain AWOL". This was around the moving to Hawaii time. Ok, it takes some time to move, but it was getting longer and longer. She was not answering her cell, the voice mails I left, or my emails. I even told her exactly how I felt about her in one email, hoping she's reply. Well, she had not answered anything since September 2007. It's like she's vanished, and not just from me, but the whole forum she seemed to abandoned. And I don't care if she is busy or have no computer acess......everyone has 5 minutes in their day to answer an e-mail, especially from a good friend ( and a then possibly future b/f ). And computer/internet acess is everywhere...libraries, coffee houses, internet cafe's, even on airplanes. There's no excuse, really.

And that's just the abridged story of my crappy love life. And as of last year, I've quit on GG's altogather. There nothing but walking, talking vaginas with no compassion or remorse to me now. And T-girls have treated me MUCH more better than GG's ever had, 10 fold. I can only hope I find a good t-girl.

And don't even bother saying, "Oh, don't worry, Trog. A good girl will come your way soon!" If I had a dollar each time I heard that, especially from a very attractive chick, I'd have me an army of gold robots at my command now. > : (

And for those saying, "Just be patient, etc." I been in this for 15 years, and have not had a simple, measley date in 9. I think there's a point where one can be too patient, don't you think so?

So, excuse my pragmatisim in this thread.


I agree mostly with Kalina except I think that the "friend-of-a-friend" network may be better for meeting someone than a club. For clubs it depends on how close to average you are; if you deviate a lot from average in some ways a club may not work because nobody can relate to you. In that case, friend-networks work better, on the theory that "birds of a feather flock together". That's my experience.

Hell no am I going for that friend of a friend smeg anymore, for these 'friends' always try to hook me up, always, with the mosy hidious, annoying hag-beasts that I've had the misfortune to meet. I am not going to go with someone that looks like Rossie O'Donnel, and acts like Ann Coulter.


And for girls looking for love, here's something I found that someone said makes perfect sence. Might be harsh culture shock to some people, but deal with it.

"What happened to all the nice guys?"

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, became better looking, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

And here's some more advice to the chicks, from a chick, to the girls looking for that right guy.

Have you gone out with more than one bad boy in the last year? Are you in an on-again off-again relationship with a bad boy? If so, you may have a bad-boy habit that needs to be broken. Set yourself free from that bad boy with these five steps:
1. Write a list of all the bad things he has done to you. Women tend to get short memories when it comes to all the terrible ways bad boys treat them. They don't want to think about it. But if you decide to break the bad-boy habit, you need to force yourself to think about it! Write down a list of all the downright mean things he has done to you.
If he cheated on you and lied about it, write it down. If he stayed out until 3 a.m. without calling you, write it down. Anytime he made you cry, write it down. Here is the best part -- put the list up on the wall next to a picture of him, so you associate his face with all the awful things he has done to you. He doesn't seem so attractive now, does he?

2. Stop having sex with him. A lot of times women will keep bad boys in their life way too long. This prevents you from meeting other people. And if you do meet someone else, you are not going to give him a fair shot. By continuing to have sex with the bad boy, you are prolonging the chemistry you feel for him. And then you wonder why you don't feel attracted to the nice guy who just asked you out. It's because you've got all your hormones wrapped up in Mr. Bad.

3. Realize that nice isn't boring. Nice guys often get the label of being boring, and the problem is it's not true!
The truth is that the bad boys are the boring ones because they are so predictably bad. It's easy to predict that if you get back together with him for the third time, he is going to flirt with other women right in front of you. It's easy to predict that he is going to make you feel unattractive and miserable in a day or two.
There are no surprises in this type of relationship. Yet, the nice guy is liable to surprise you with a DVD of your favorite movie when you are sick or a fabulous compliment when you are feeling down. Now, that's exciting!

4. Ask yourself why you keep going for the bad-boy type. If you keep allowing yourself to get involved with bad boys, there is a reason and you need to start to dig deep for it. Maybe you have become addicted to drama.
Maybe there is abuse in your background so you keep going toward what is familiar to you. Maybe you are not sure what the qualities are that you should be looking for in a man. Take time to self-reflect about it, educate yourself about it, and think about seeing a therapist to help you along the way.

5. Remember bad boys really are bad! For some women, the idea of the bad-boy type has an allure. For a split second it may seem sexy and fun. What they don't realize is that bad boys are going to treat you bad and it's not sexy or fun! There is a big difference between the bad-boy fantasy and the reality of having a relationship with one. The actual relationships are harsh and mean and they don't change. Stop falling for the fantasy. Instead, fall for a real, good guy! Listen to her, for she, whoever she is, is wise.




I say the best way to meet someone is to not look on forums or web sites :) and just go out to clubs... and by that I do not mean ts go-go bars :)

Web-sites SUCK! You outta see the trainwrecks I see in the Michigan areas in these personal sites..... >_<;

And what's wrong with ts go-go bars, Kalina? :)


Sorry for the long post, but these type of topic are the ones that get my bloodpressure up.

[Trogdor]

Nope, there's no such thing.
And I might be only 30, but I have 15 years experience in matters like this.

Here's something I typed about covering my luck ( more like lack of luck ) over the past 15 years. I posted this once before, but for those who may not remember, or for the new folks, here's my lousy time with finding someone, keep in mind this is a more like an abridged version, the full one would take forever and a day to type.

If anyone gets offended by the following rant......tough rocks.


Lemme give a small, abridged track record with GG's, then I'll continue:

1994-1998, my high school years. Nothing.....absolutely nothing. Nothing but "Can't we just be friends?" speeches left and right. One girl in my first year of high school, a few days before xmas vacation, was coming on to me, was all touchy feely, and flirty, and I felt like I was top of the world. I went out that day after school feeling like a real man for a change, and celebrated by spending my xmas cash on some gifts for everyone and a nice dinner for myself at one of the restaurants near the school before going home. Well, next day I I slide my chair next to her before class ends and start up some talk again…..turns out all that attention she was giving me was just a joke…a prank…..and it was not only her idea, but one of my ‘so-called buddies’ was in on this and they pretty much had a cheap laugh at my expense. I was so mad I punched my locker so hard that I dented it slightly, amazingly I did not break my hand, just dislocated a finger, which I popped back in. And I tried with over 100 girls over those four years, you’d think ONE of them would instead of saying, “I like you a lot, but can’t we just be friends?” and say instead, “Yes, It’s a date!” No high school sweet heart, no dating, no senior prom. ( and for the prom bit, going stag is as pathetic, in my opinion, as bringing an ugly girl or paying some chick to pretend she's your date ). Like how Michael Jackson had no childhood when he was a child, and look at the trainwreck he’s become. I did not have what you could call a "teenagehood" ...might explain my messed up mentality, eh?

And not from 1998 onwards. I met an awesome girl, very unique one in the form of a hermaphrodite babe. She was dark haired, quite petite, a sexy goth babe without the despressed disposition they typically have. We had a great time, first girl I spelt with too, but she had a millitary dad, which ment they had to move about from time to time, and well, she moved a few months after I met her, and never seen her again.

November 1999. I was at Gibralter Trade Center, which is like a large public weekend market place. I met this cutie there at the holestic area I was at, where I often buy crystals or other magic related stuff. Anyhow, she noticed I was checking her out ( she looked alot like Bif Naked, not as super lean as Bif is, but still nice ). We hit it off fast, had rather steamy phone conversations, dated a week later, she was very bi and brought her g/f on our second date. All went well till 2000. In April I called her, only to find out she and her family moved away....new people we at the house. I tried her cell phone and her pager....they were no longer in use. She totally vanished from my life, and she did not tell me about it.....no phone call, no e-mail, not even a letter. She did not even say goodbye....as like I was not importent to her enough to even say anything.

November/December 2001-Feburary 2002. I knew a girl at a store I used to work at and we hit it off nicely. A cute, tall redhead. We chatted alot on AOL, ( though we lived nearby, the areas codes made us long distance, so AOL was cheaper ) we got along great and were planning to start dating. We were gonna start at the end of Febuary, and on Valentine's day, I went to the store with a bunch of flowers and a red stuffed bear to give to her. I waited a few minutes and there she was, I walked up to her with my hands behind my back and a smile on my face. We said hi and she said she had to tell me something. Turns out she was seeing someone else....."great," I thought to myself, someone beat me to it yet again." I asked her whom, she said she is going back to see her ex. Now, to let you know, her ex was a drummer from a no name garage rockband and that he was treating her very badly, calling her bad names, and I bet anything he struck her before. So, she said she was so sorry, and I said, "Yes....I just bet you are." I showed her the gifts and walked to the doors of the store and stuffed both the flowers and the bear in the trashcan and left.
And guess what? About 2 years later, a buddy of mine who worked there also IM'ed me one night and told me, "You know that redhead you liked alot a few years ago?" I said, "yea, what about her?" He said, "Well, that rocker guy she went back to got her all knocked-up, and when he found out, he skipped town fast." So, not only did she turn me down for Mr. Bad-Ass Rock n' Roller, she now has herself a bastard hell-spawn now also. If that chick is reading this thread somehow, I got 3 words for you, "You go, girl." rolleyes.gif

2000-2003. I was in a long distence relationship with a girl in Georgia, and we were doing great. She was a hottie...she looked like that girl with the short dark hair in Pamela Anderson's VIP series, if anyone remembers. Anyhow, we were getting pretty close and lovey dovey. In 2002, we were planning to see each other in person. I was saving every penny I could and did not buy anything for myself during the summer of that year. In January 2003, I was about ready to see her and I IM'ed her and said I would be ready within a week to see her. She was acting somewhat out of the normal that night, so I figured I bet try to find out what. Well, after steering about the conversation and so on, I found out. She said she's gonna move outta her mom's house and with Stacey. I thought to myself, "Hmmm, odd, her and her mom are like awesome friends, and she's only 19, does not sound like her." She and her mom stuck like glue since the dad left when this chick was not even 2, so her sudden moving was like a big suprise. Also, I know she is bisexual, and figured, "Ok, so met a nice girl and is moving in with her.....could be fun, maybe I might meet 2 girls when I see her, perhaps." Well, turns out Stacey's a guy in the army she hooked up with. What sorta fucked up parents name a guy Stacey, anyhow? Anyways, I asked her what about us? I asked her if it's over now. She said, "Yea, I guess so.....I'm sorry." I got her name off my IM list right away and then went downstairs and pretty much trashed the basement in anger. Picture that scene from Darkman where Westlake went into rage and tore apart his lab.....that was pretty much me. My cats had to leave the room, it was so bad. I later tried to get drunk.....a 6 pack of beer and a bottle of wine....nothing.....bad enough i got fucked over big time, I could not even get wasted to drown my anger. Anyhow, she married this guy later, a friend of hers and mine told me. She always wanted to get into the army, and seems she wanted to find an easier way to do so. Her friend also told me Stacey was unfaithful and saw other chicks also. So now this chick's devorced younger than Britney, and this chick has nothing to show for it except the extra weight she put on from the birthcontrol pills she took since he was not wanting to wear a rubber. You go, girl.

2004 to present. It's been pretty much the same, girls giving me the fucking friends speech, trying to hook me up with their lonely and very unattractive girlfriends ( which in even more of an insult to me. ), and so on. In 2004, I met online an awesome asian babe. She was gorgious, friendly, liked Transformers even more than I do XD. She was born and raised in Hawaii, and was working in Japan as a translator for Square-Enix and a few geek related magazines. We got off well, on her forums, I once mentioned in a thread about how awful girls in the Midwest, especially Michigan. And I said how I outta move to California one day, and she said, "Or maybe Japan! " I mean she pretty much said it right there how she felt about me. Anyhow, in late 2006, she said she was moving back to Hawaii soon. She was not happy cause Japan was more fun than the states, especially when it comes to collecting things and other geeky hobbies. We talked on the phone often....god her voice was angelic *_*. New Years eve, 2007, we were on the phone, but both of our phones died out on us. Within 10 minutes, she sent me an email telling me her phone went out on her, and apologized and I told her the same in the reply. We chatted on MSN a couple of nights later. And when I asked her what she thought of me visiting her soon, and she said "Sure, I think that would be fun " All going good so far, yes? Well, soon she vanished.....from my messangers and even the Transformers forum she set up for the small knit group of friends and buddies in the hobby, and the site was more fun and kick ass than any of the big forums like Sibertron.com. Everyone on the forum now calls her "Captain AWOL". This was around the moving to Hawaii time. Ok, it takes some time to move, but it was getting longer and longer. She was not answering her cell, the voice mails I left, or my emails. I even told her exactly how I felt about her in one email, hoping she's reply. Well, she had not answered anything since September 2007. It's like she's vanished, and not just from me, but the whole forum she seemed to abandoned. And I don't care if she is busy or have no computer acess......everyone has 5 minutes in their day to answer an e-mail, especially from a good friend ( and a then possibly future b/f ). And computer/internet acess is everywhere...libraries, coffee houses, internet cafe's, even on airplanes. There's no excuse, really.

And that's just the abridged story of my crappy love life. And as of last year, I've quit on GG's altogather. There nothing but walking, talking vaginas with no compassion or remorse to me now. And T-girls have treated me MUCH more better than GG's ever had, 10 fold. I can only hope I find a good t-girl.

And don't even bother saying, "Oh, don't worry, Trog. A good girl will come your way soon!" If I had a dollar each time I heard that, especially from a very attractive chick, I'd have me an army of gold robots at my command now. > : (

And for those saying, "Just be patient, etc." I been in this for 15 years, and have not had a simple, measley date in 9. I think there's a point where one can be too patient, don't you think so?

So, excuse my pragmatisim in this thread.


I agree mostly with Kalina except I think that the "friend-of-a-friend" network may be better for meeting someone than a club. For clubs it depends on how close to average you are; if you deviate a lot from average in some ways a club may not work because nobody can relate to you. In that case, friend-networks work better, on the theory that "birds of a feather flock together". That's my experience.

Hell no am I going for that friend of a friend smeg anymore, for these 'friends' always try to hook me up, always, with the mosy hidious, annoying hag-beasts that I've had the misfortune to meet. I am not going to go with someone that looks like Rossie O'Donnel, and acts like Ann Coulter.


And for girls looking for love, here's something I found that someone said makes perfect sence. Might be harsh culture shock to some people, but deal with it.

"What happened to all the nice guys?"

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, became better looking, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

And here's some more advice to the chicks, from a chick, to the girls looking for that right guy.

Have you gone out with more than one bad boy in the last year? Are you in an on-again off-again relationship with a bad boy? If so, you may have a bad-boy habit that needs to be broken. Set yourself free from that bad boy with these five steps:
1. Write a list of all the bad things he has done to you. Women tend to get short memories when it comes to all the terrible ways bad boys treat them. They don't want to think about it. But if you decide to break the bad-boy habit, you need to force yourself to think about it! Write down a list of all the downright mean things he has done to you.
If he cheated on you and lied about it, write it down. If he stayed out until 3 a.m. without calling you, write it down. Anytime he made you cry, write it down. Here is the best part -- put the list up on the wall next to a picture of him, so you associate his face with all the awful things he has done to you. He doesn't seem so attractive now, does he?

2. Stop having sex with him. A lot of times women will keep bad boys in their life way too long. This prevents you from meeting other people. And if you do meet someone else, you are not going to give him a fair shot. By continuing to have sex with the bad boy, you are prolonging the chemistry you feel for him. And then you wonder why you don't feel attracted to the nice guy who just asked you out. It's because you've got all your hormones wrapped up in Mr. Bad.

3. Realize that nice isn't boring. Nice guys often get the label of being boring, and the problem is it's not true!
The truth is that the bad boys are the boring ones because they are so predictably bad. It's easy to predict that if you get back together with him for the third time, he is going to flirt with other women right in front of you. It's easy to predict that he is going to make you feel unattractive and miserable in a day or two.
There are no surprises in this type of relationship. Yet, the nice guy is liable to surprise you with a DVD of your favorite movie when you are sick or a fabulous compliment when you are feeling down. Now, that's exciting!

4. Ask yourself why you keep going for the bad-boy type. If you keep allowing yourself to get involved with bad boys, there is a reason and you need to start to dig deep for it. Maybe you have become addicted to drama.
Maybe there is abuse in your background so you keep going toward what is familiar to you. Maybe you are not sure what the qualities are that you should be looking for in a man. Take time to self-reflect about it, educate yourself about it, and think about seeing a therapist to help you along the way.

5. Remember bad boys really are bad! For some women, the idea of the bad-boy type has an allure. For a split second it may seem sexy and fun. What they don't realize is that bad boys are going to treat you bad and it's not sexy or fun! There is a big difference between the bad-boy fantasy and the reality of having a relationship with one. The actual relationships are harsh and mean and they don't change. Stop falling for the fantasy. Instead, fall for a real, good guy! Listen to her, for she, whoever she is, is wise.




I say the best way to meet someone is to not look on forums or web sites :) and just go out to clubs... and by that I do not mean ts go-go bars :)

Web-sites SUCK! You outta see the trainwrecks I see in the Michigan areas in these personal sites..... >_<;

And what's wrong with ts go-go bars, Kalina? :)


Sorry for the long post, but these type of topic are the ones that get my bloodpressure up.

[flombago]

Nope, there's no such thing.


Maybe not, depending on how you define "true love", but there are plenty of people
who think they've found it -- therefore it exists, or perhaps you think they've deluded
themselves ?

Stay positive, show pics or show yourself in the public arena, improve yourself. But then, we've had this conversation before, right ?

[MystiquEvolution]

I've kinda given up on my search for true love. I honestly don't think it's something you search for. When you specifically look for something the chances of finding it are harder. You have this list of what you want in a love but you also have things you like to avoid. You have to take the good with the bad.

I'm just going with the flow now. I work, have fun when I can and just try to enjoy life. Make new acquaintances everyday. Over time, some may become friends. Before you know it, one may become love.

[Trogdor]

I've kinda given up on my search for true love. I honestly don't think it's something you search for. When you specifically look for something the chances of finding it are harder. You have this list of what you want in a love but you also have things you like to avoid. You have to take the good with the bad.

I'm just going with the flow now. I work, have fun when I can and just try to enjoy life. Make new acquaintances everyday. Over time, some may become friends. Before you know it, one may become love.

Pity friendship and love can be one in the same. I mean, why is it that girls instead of being happy or flattered when one of their closest oldest friends wants to go to the next level with them, they get weired out, as if their brother asked them out?

That's a question I want to hear an answer for from just the girls here, cause just like that guy from the start of Dirty Harry said, "I gots to know." o.o;

[rockabilly]

Part of me agrees w/ Trogdor. I mean you put yourself out there again and again and you either get rejected or end up w/ a broken heart or feel used. But we keep trying , trying to make a connection , trying to find a kindred spirit , and lastly trying to find a somone who loves us the way we love them ( btw Biff is really cute ) Shes out there somewhere. Keep hope alive brother. :)

[Trogdor]

Part of me agrees w/ Trogdor. I mean you put yourself out there again and again and you either get rejected or end up w/ a broken heart or feel used. But we keep trying , trying to make a connection , trying to find a kindred spirit , and lastly trying to find a somone who loves us the way we love them ( btw Biff is really cute ) Shes out there somewhere. Keep hope alive brother. :)


Damned right Bif is cute. And a good singer.

[rockabilly]

Bif is a great singer. I love her ink and eyes. Keep lookin Trogdor knowing my luck i'll meet my girl not at a club , more than likely i'll drop a gallon of milk on her foot or knock her over at the laundromat w/ my duffel bag. :)

[kalina]

And don't even bother saying, "Oh, don't worry, Trog. A good girl will come your way soon!" If I had a dollar each time I heard that, especially from a very attractive chick, I'd have me an army of gold robots at my command now. > : (


Hmmm... I'll bet if I said the opposite, then you'll get the girl of your dreams!!! :-D

And what's wrong with ts go-go bars, Kalina? :)


Quite honestly, if I had a desire to go to a go-go bar, I'd rather go a GG go-go bar where the girls really can dance on the poles and not just wiggle and try to look sexy when they really look fat. :) The "silicone shift" is never sexy. I tried poledancing in the past. It's not easy :)

[Mikel]

What's a go-go bar :(

[kalina]

What's a go-go bar :(

A strip club with poledancing where guys give dollars to the dancers.

[Ecstatic]

A strip club with poledancing where guys give dollars to the dancers.

Go-go bars are extremely popular in Thailand (see photos from the Spice Girls Go-Go Club in Pattaya below); Google 'go-go bar' and you'll find tons of Thai hits. Go to a go-go club in Pattaya or Bangkok (something I've yet to do), choose a girl, and pay the bar fine (around 500 baht or $15) to take the girl out for the night, then pay the girl her tip and the night is yours. Hmmm, can't imagine why this is popular with American and European tourists....

Of course, I'm old school: when I think "go-go" I think discotheque. The first go-go club was the Whisky A-Go-Go in Paris, which opened in 1947 (before rock and roll!). The first American version was the Whisky A Go Go in West Hollywood, CA, which opened in 1958. The initial principle of the discotheque was that the music was provided on record, not by live bands, but the Whisky A Go Go became famous as one of the great venues for new and upcoming bands: The Doors, Them, Zappa's Mothers of Invention, Buffalo Springfield, Turtles, Byrds, Love, Neil Diamond, Hendrix, and many, many others headlined.

Go-go or a go-go refers to the energetic dancing found in these club. The origin of the salacious dancing in guilded cages suspended above the dance floor goes back to 1965 when Johnny Rivers was the house band and, in between sets, they had a female DJ dressed in a very short skirt spin records in a cage suspended to the right of the stage. This caught on, and soon go-go clubs were featuring sexy women dress in miniskirts in cages.

It was a gradual evolution from there to today's strip club go-go bars, which are seen as a step below the so-called Gentleman's Clubs which are geared to being more upscale.

[rockabilly]

Thanks Ecstatic , Hmmm note to self visit Thailand at least once.

[Trogdor]

Hmmm... I'll bet if I said the opposite, then you'll get the girl of your dreams!!! :-D



Quite honestly, if I had a desire to go to a go-go bar, I'd rather go a GG go-go bar where the girls really can dance on the poles and not just wiggle and try to look sexy when they really look fat. :) The "silicone shift" is never sexy. I tried poledancing in the past. It's not easy :)

Either way is going to be tough, especially now that I quit GG's like a bad habbit. Finding cute TG girls in the midwest, especially Michigan, makes finding a needle in a heystack child's play. I only found one, but she had the sex drive of a stone, if I wanted that, I'd have married a GG long time ago.

~Looks at ava~
Got your hair all braided there?

[kalina]

~Looks at ava~
Got your hair all braided there?

Who, me? Nope. It's all headbands and bobby pins. I got sick of the old look, so I'm going a little retro.

[thealtsoc]

Yeah No TGirls around my area.

[seanchai]

Trog, it could take me a 5 min conversation to fix your problem ... but way too much to write down in text (and it would look too arsy). Basically, I could have been you - in your situation (and I was) until I found the key. I'll buy you a coffee if your ever in my area.

Love is ...

The internet is an incredible place to find a relationship because if you go to the right places everyone is in the same boat. In todays society of fragmented workplaces and posturing when you go to clubs (oh for the days of companies that hired 1000's and organised dances where the girls, would always accept a dance).

Yahoo personals, Friendfinder, etc. Don't go for the big expensive ones like advertised on TV but the ones above would be a good start.

1. Your not looking for a best friend (although he/she may become) your looking for a date. They have to be close to you.

2. Post your photos. No posturing, no posing with other people, no posing with children (whose ever they may be). Just clean, nice smiling photos.

3. Write a good paragraph on who you are. What you like to do, what your life aspirations are, if you have any strong political or religious beliefs (if your moderate then skip any talk on either). What your hobbies are whether they are ski-diving or sitting watching soap operas. Be honest!!!

4. What am I looking for? You don't fucking know because you haven't met her yet!!! The amount of guys who say they are looking for an 27-28 yr old-blonde-slim-under5ft.... They're idiots. Leave it fairly open as many people whom you may be attracted to either may not judge themselves to fit in the criteria of "pretty" (when others think they are) or you haven't given yourself the opportunity to get to know them!

5. Cliche ... but the right personality that works with you ... makes that person oh, so more attractive.

6. No more than 3 messages back and forth before you either give them your number (guys) or ask them for their number (girls) - sorry but sometimes safety and decorum does have a gender difference. If they don't have a photo ... then don't let it deter you from asking them out. They just may be shy or unconfident - or not wanting the peer pressure of being spotted on a dating site.

7. First meeting should be lunchtime, or right after work. It should be scheduled for no more than an hour. Coffee, ice cream, juice. And thats how you should ask them out ... "Shall we get together for a coffee, this week and have a chat?"

8. Ask HER/HIM questions. Yes, you are selling yourself but don't offer ridiculous stuff that is uncalled for. If you ask them a question then it shows your interested in them and it's not all about you. NO talk about exes, lovelives or the question "So why are you on a dating site?" Don't go expecting it to be an interview, just let the conversation grow organically and see where it leads.

9. Don't make plans immediately at the first meet as it might be putting pressure on the other. Go home, reflect and if it's someone you'd like to know more about ... EMAIL THEM that night, with a;
"Thanks, it was lovely to meet you and I'm happy to see that we have the same interest in .... here's a link to that book we were talking about ... I'd love to get together with you again, later this week/next week, so I look forward to hearing from you."

If it's someone that you were uninterested in - and they contact you, just send a polite reply, "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't feel we have too much in common so I don't wish to waste your time perusing this".

10. If you get no reply, email once more 2-3 days later, just asking if they got your email and if they're not interested, could they just let you know.

11. Don't be deterred. There is another girl/guy waiting for you.

12. Don't play games. There are no rules like the movies say ... having to wait X days to call, having to get to 2nd base on the 3rd date. Go with what you think.


All of this seems obvious but most people fuck it up.
I spent a year on yahoo, ended up having probably 10-12 dates during that time, some girls were obviously not my type, one became a FWB for a few months, another I had 4-5 dates with before we knew it wasn't working, another was slightly obsessed by me - and the last one I dated, in which we met at Starbucks ... went out for dinner 2 nights later before I had to go out of town for 2 weeks. Had 3 emails during that time, sent her a Miles Davis CD and when I returned went out for dinner again ... 6 yrs later, we're married with a baby boy ... and it's still incredible.

I guarantee, if you do what I said above. You'll eventually meet someone - and if in the meantime you go on a few dates that may go from horrible to meeting some incredible people ... then that is part of the experience of life.

[flombago]

Seanchai, this is excellent, practical advice on how to use the internet to get dates and meet someone. You should write a self-help book -- there's quite an industry for that, judging from the large section in bookstores dedicated to that theme.

[Trogdor]

I do most of those rules myself, actually.
But since I'm off GG's for good ( Had enough of them, no more. ), and only with TG or IS girls, kinda hard to find a way to look for them online there, unless they state it in profile.

[kalina]

I do most of those rules myself, actually.
But since I'm off GG's for good ( Had enough of them, no more. ), and only with TG or IS girls, kinda hard to find a way to look for them online there, unless they state it in profile.

I've said this to you before many times, Trogdor. You really need to move to a big city. There's a greater number of tgirls in big cities and a greater chance you'll find someone. If it's your job or your family or money that's holding you back, that's understandable, but at some point you have to ask yourself if these things are the reasons or the excuses.

Online stuff is cool to a point, but you really don't get to know a person unless you meet her in person and get a feel for her in person.

[seanchai]

I do most of those rules myself, actually.
But since I'm off GG's for good ( Had enough of them, no more. ), and only with TG or IS girls, kinda hard to find a way to look for them online there, unless they state it in profile.

Sincerely, why are you limiting yourself to tgirls only?
Why are you off GG's? Do you think a TG - who is living her life as a girl, is going to be any different?

Trogdor ... you seem to be closing all the doors, maybe you really don't want a relationship?

[Trogdor]

Sincerely, why are you limiting yourself to tgirls only?
Why are you off GG's? Do you think a TG - who is living her life as a girl, is going to be any different?

Trogdor ... you seem to be closing all the doors, maybe you really don't want a relationship?

From my own experiences, GG's have treated me like SHIT. TG's have treated my MUCH better than any GG I met. Plus I noticed TG girls take better care of themselves ( Each chick I knew from a few years ago REALLY let themselves go big time. ), and I've had better conversation with them as well. Plus TG girls seem much more feminine, a huge majority of GG's take their own femininity for granted and most of them are more like men these days, both phyiscially and mentally.

I talked about this sititation to one of my TG friends on another forum ,and she thought I was doing a pretty good idea, open to more options than the typical options.

Plus, as I said, GG's hurt me waaaaaaay to much. And vagina pretty much is a symbol of the enemy to me these days. :p Does that make me fucked up in the head, I do not know, but that's the way I feel.

[seanchai]

Yeah, sorry it makes you totally fucked up.
If you really think TG's are more feminine (not as feminine) and are less likely to hurt you than GG's then your in for a big shock ... or a life of misery.

If your into TG's because that's what your into then it's cool but it should be because that is how you feel about GG's and expect TG's to be different.

What you need to ask yourself, is why is it you that is the victim of these girls treating you like shit?

[flombago]

I think part of the problem may be taking a fairly small number of experiences and erroneously extracting a generalization about GG from them.

The forum has been discussing this issue with Trogdor for a long time, and the strong consensus has been that he needs to move to a big city where there are more opportunities, especially if he prefers TGs. With respect, I think he also needs to look within and take more personal responsibility.

Coming back to the original subject: If you go out in public in a big city you'll see hundreds of couples of all ages, shapes, and types -- happily strolling, immersed in each other, and evidently in love. Hence, "true love" must exist ! At least for some period of time. And I think what happens with a lot of long-established couples is that "true love" evolves into a kind of "committed deep friendship" which continues to work only through compromise and acceptance of each others foibles.

.