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tallDD
11-20-2005, 05:36 PM
The question I want to tackle is, why are transsexuals so attractive to me?

There is something about younger (-40) TS girls which I find hard to resist. For me, it has nothing to do with the typically cited fascination with their penis. I don't care about that at all. I am not tired of genetic girls, as far as sex goes, I am still into pussy. Yet there is something about the faces and bodies of young and feminine ts girls that attracts me like moths to the flame. Not in all TS, especially not those that do too much makeup and such. But, for example, in the face of Cindy Sins, if you know that escort.

I'm wondering if I'm falling for some psychological trap. IE, the kind of seeing myself, the boy in me, in t-girls, and that my attraction to them is in fact an attraction to myself.

When you love, aren't you supposed to love the other? Eyes are supposed to see the outside, not themselves. For animals, I suspect this is a non-issue, I think they enjoy, whatever they enjoy, but they don't enjoy themselves.

For a while in the past years I was watching some TS porn. There was one flick with Bob from Bob's-Tgirls, maybe you know that site. A scene with him and Camilla Castro and another t-girl. Of course I don't know Bob personally and maybe don't qualify to make that statement, but Bob looks tired there, as if sucked out.

Another thing is transsexuality itself. I am CERTAIN that this doesn't apply to all transsexuals, but has it ever crossed your mind that transsexuality, especially "shemale-ism", has to do with worshipping an ideal, and instead of meeting and courting miss right you simply create your own female, out of yourself.

I'm sure that I speak for most men, if they are honest, when I say that any guy would like to be a woman if that's possible to be limited for a day or two, or maybe just an hour. However this is impossible to have today, except maybe in the future in some advanced virtual reality setups. So, transsexuals do it slowly, with hormones, clothing, "beautification" and surgery. The ideal is never achieved, and because of that, it remains a perpetual attraction, it remains in the distance.

I think there is something that happens with most kinds of people that could be considered pretty in the superficial sense. I mean the love of what stares back at you in the mirror. To see prettyness, and to know it's you. To experiment with that prettyness, and to see it either stays the same, like a god, or becomes even more pretty, up to the point when you find it beautiful even.

I was browsing the hung-angels shemale forum one day, and saw Allanah Starr posting pictures of when she was still looking like a man. Totally simple body, hanging buttocks, fat, no muscles. Is it possible to love yourself when you don't express a hint of the prettiness which society worships in its magazines?

You see, try to go back to other periods of history. Look, for example, at the women painted by Rubens or Rembrandt, or the statues of the italian rennaissance. I don't think any of those women would make it into the beauty and erotics magazines of today. Back then most men wanted women that were thick, fat, even. Sexual heaven meant to be able to mount a mountain of flesh.

Conversely, the modern female ideal is a girl with the figure of a predator, like a lioness or a tigress. I guess you know what I mean. However, many people cannot hope to attain this ideal. Yet some of them still can't help themselves in thinking that only that ideal has any prettiness. Pastors may say there is other beauty, and there certainly is, but even that can sound like a lame excuse when you're young, a powerless solace, it feels like having to drive a moped when others go by luxury cars.

Personally, I don't have these issues. I was ugly in my youth, but later on I got lucky and my body developed to something acceptable. Yet I know both worlds, the dark reality of being ugly and being unable to escape it, without having the lucky indifference of those who are ugly and don't give a shit about it. The other world is when you're sexy for real, and feeling sexy too, when you go into a room and women turn their heads and want your attention. The dark world of ugliness and the "light" world of sexyness both have their valuable teachings. Yet the first one is depressing and the last one is pleasing. Yes, one get tired of the world of those who seem "flawless" in appearance and yet uglily decadent in core. But this takes some time to see.

What does that have to do with transsexualism? It's what I said at first, that some transsexual people want to create themselves as the ever present beauty which cannot be attained otherwise, which, if she met you at a party, would ignore you because it would consider you way too low beneath her. Actual girls, sometimes the spouses of those transsexuals, cannot compete with this sex kitten some of the more fortunate transsexuals can morph themselves into. Because it's not just beauty, it is coupled with raw sex, with an availability no other person can give or would want to give.

I hope you don't think I'm a basher of some kind. But there is a complexity to transsexuality that seems to not get the right attention. In the years before, say, 1980, only the determined ones actually lived out this sexuality, or, depending on the point of view, sexual deviance. Nowadays it's much easier. Maybe I should also say that I see a BIG difference between genuine transsexuality and what is simply the shemale-ism induced by the porn industry.

Tell me what you think ...

TrinityBlue
11-20-2005, 07:40 PM
Ok I think that realistically to be a transexual expresses an extreme sense of self loathing of ones self yet at the same time deciding to become one can also be looked at as finally loving ones self...which brings me to one of the points u raised...Plastic surgery...Im not to all keen on the idea of it personally...I think those that obsess over it and get alot of excessive surgerys still do not see them selves or feel as women..So they tend to have one surgery after another after another hoping to wake up one day and "Feel like a woman"..To me thats a crock...If u were to be honest about what and who you are u wouldnt need all that surgery...I woke up along time ago feeling like a woman..Probably since I had concience intelligent independant thought of my own..Shall we say the age of 4 or 5...Its always been there for me...No amount of vagioplasty or plastic surgery will make me feel more like a woman then I do today..I will have the SRS but not to FEEL like a woman just to finally become as much of one as I aleady do feel...Sure I want bigger breasts but I do not attribute that to a transgndered way of thinking nor if I do not get implants will my breast size define me as a woman..But like most women we all want bigger bobbs smaller ass etc etc..Women think about things like this..Not having the perfect set of lips chin jaw forehead etc etc..To me thats just forcing your own feminity upon yourself..Let it flow...Not sure if what Im trying to say is making sense on type as it is in my head...
Buit thats just what I think

tallDD
11-20-2005, 11:34 PM
Hi Trinity Blue,

Thanks for your honest reply.

Hmm, what exactly is "feeling like a woman"?

I know what it's like to feel like a man, yet I would be hard-pressed to explain what I feel. When I shower and recognize my physique, when I sit in a train and watch out of the window, yes, then sometimes I have a feeling. But it's more like feeling myself be. This sense of self thing can have its disadvantages, as if I am not supposed to see myself being, instead or added to being. I know self-awareness is a characteristic pretty important to us being sentient humans, yet I am also aware of the dangers of self-awareness. First of all, I go with Sartre who said "Man is a fullness he cannot leave". There is so much that can be said about being a human, yet being a human also means to just be. How much understanding of the self is actually possible? If it is completely possible to understand oneself completely, it would require understanding of our history, of the wholeness we are together. Can a human really be taken apart this way, can we see each other how we really are if we see a virtual copy of ourselves?

Anyway, this maybe went too far, so let's make it a little simpler. What exactly is feeling like a woman? How is it different from feeling like a man? What exactly is femininity and masculinity to our souls?

I played with transvestism in my youth. I don't know if I have figured it out completely, but basically I believe I lacked honest relations with the females in my family, with my mother and my older 3 sisters. I also have a rather strange (unique?) sexuality of my own, ie I have internal orgasms much of the kind women have. Not always, and not with the wrong partner, but often. In any case, if I want one of these orgasms I need sex in the way most females say they love it, with LOT's of foreplay, cuddling, touching and stroking. The thought of transitioning had been quite a pull once, yet I have understood later that much of the attractiveness of this thought came from the idea that I wanted to use transitioning as a vehicle to live more promiscuously, to live like certain women I envied, those who live for a powerful, forceful, very free and thrilling existence. Eventually this notion became too apparent to me to ignore it, so I had to work against it. I could, and that is what maybe separates me from genuine transsexuals who simply can't bear to live life as a man.

I know I can't generalize to include anyone else here, yet this is how it comes down to me.

Oh, and, by the way, your face on your avatar, if it is a real face, looks very feminine .. yet still very natural. You're really one of those that don't have any reason to consider surgery.

Maybe there is something very true about what they say that genuine transsexuals are women born with the wrong body. I know very well that the body can change according to how the soul "feels".

Thanks for your interest.[/i]