People Like Us: An Open Letter of a Transgender Woman in the Philippines

[sass]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt


My friends and I have been made to feel inferior approximately five hours before I wrote this letter. I’d like to sweep this incident under the proverbial rug but there is no more space to accommodate it.

On the 24th of May 2008, my friends and I were celebrating the anniversary of our organization the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), the first transsexual women’s support group and transgender rights advocacy organization in the Philippines. We settled to celebrate it in Ice Vodka Bar, located in Greenbelt 3, 3rd level Ayala Center, Makati City, Metro Manila. It was my first time in that bar. Two in our group have been there before and they had nothing bad to say about it.

There were five of us. I was leading the way. The bouncer stopped us. I asked why. His reason was we were dressed “inappropriately”. We were rather dressed decently, tastefully, and most importantly just like any other human being who lives her life as female 24 hours a day.

I asked for the manager. The bouncer was nice enough to let me in. The manager, Ms Belle Castro, accommodated me. I don’t know if I spelled her name right. I asked for a business card but she had none available. Her telling feature though was her braced teeth.

I complained. Ms Castro listened to me. I found her sympathetic, even respectful as she addressed me all throughout as ma’am. She told me the following...


To continue reading go to the website of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP)

at www dot tsphilippines dot com

[Jim Beaux]

Sass,

I'm not sure how to reply at STRAP, but I've read the whole letter. Should you wish to use my reply in any way, please do.

First, I understand why you lost your temper. In that situation I would have too! But you need to take the moral high ground, and that means keeping calm in difficult situations. Ghandi acheved a lot through purely peaceful protest.

Second, since you have no rights, you, or STRAP, need to campaign to get them. The little I know about Philippine society indicates that the Catholic church is important, so I understand you are facing major obstacles. But I also think you have major levers working in your favour. I beleive the Philippines is trying to position itself as a progressive country, up there with the world leaders. So compare and constrast your situation against other progressive countries, particularly in Europe and ask those in power why they are so far behind in this aspect.

In my country, the UK, in a situation where a complainant asked for a transsexual to be removed from a club etc., the proprietor would be obliged by law to ask the complainant to behave or to leave.

Use national pride. How can the Philippines be modern if it is so far behind in this aspect?

Third, STRAP should become an organisation with strong links to similar organisations in the world. This would give STRAP international sources, international leverage etc. I am not an expert in UK TS organisations, but I think the Beaumont Society is a body here with aims similar to STRAP. I am sure such an organisation would be glad to help out in any way possible.

Fourth, unless some law prohibits it, you have the option of peaceful protest outside the bar in question, and of arranging media coverage of such an event. The UK didn't get to it's current position simply by deep thought. It was based on situations identical to your own, and those involved pointing out how wrong this is.

Fifth, let me adopt for a moment the position of a foreigner in this establishment. And my complaint is going to be that 'I can't tell the difference'. Why should I need to tell the difference? In polite society, I have absolutely no need of this for the purpose of social interaction. I may desire the information if my interest is sexual, particularly if I can't tell AND I object to finding out I'm trying to pick up a transsexual. This makes it seem like the establishment owner is running a business where she accepts that foreigners are on her premises with the express intent of obtaining sex, and thus she needs to arrange things accordingly.

Now such a position definitely isn't the moral high ground. And most progressive societies in Asia do not appear to want promotion of foreign sex tourism, so you have yet another lever. Finally, it's a great angle for the media.

Sass,
I'm not sure any of this will make you feel better, but I hope it helps.

Best wishes,
Jim

[Ecstatic]

I'm pretty much in agreement with Jim, Sass. Such discrimination is a clear violation of equal rights, and as such should be protested and redressed. On the other hand, I think it's necessary to always take the highest possible moral ground and try to avoid emotional outbursts. Of course I know that's vastly easier said than done.

[sass]

I appreciate all the advice.

STRAP has both local and international connections. We have levers but we are not yet using all of them as we want to exhaust the resources that we have in hand before we lay our other cards on the table. We may be a very small and informal organization but taking into consideration our limited resource we have actually achieved a lot. Nonetheless STRAP is not a nanny activist organization. We are promoting self-empowerment and standing for yourself because doing so inspires other people to stand up for themselves. As I've always used as an analogy: you can't beat rape by uniting against it. The best way to beat it is by individually standing up against it.

Regarding losing my cool. I understand that in theory and perhaps in practice one should always take the moral high ground. And there's no excuse in what I did. I am not Ghandi. I have my own style, my own temper, and my own personality. His goals aren't my goals. I'm a completely different person. I may be wrong but I am willing to admit that I am. Every situation is different. And everything is easier said than done. I've lost my temper because I am angry. Even Mr Gandhi, I am very sure, loses his temper - and perhaps has even shouted at some people. Remember this: Mr Ghandi has not just advocated violence but it doesn't mean that he doesn't shout, curse, nor lose his temper. Even the Dalai Lama admitted that he also lose his temper. I didn't exercise any violence. I just shouted and just used the F-Word as an intensifier. I haven't even said "FUCK YOU" to the manager. Oh, please I haven't even inflicted any violence nor will advocate one. I am not even calling for a boycott. In fact, I am following SOPs in dealing with this case. Moreover, everything is being settled amicably, quietly, and with dignity.

And yes, I have even apologized to the manager for shouting at her - in that open letter and in person.

Finally, this case is moving at an unimaginable speed. Within 24-hours, the manager of the bar apologized to me and my friends. She unreservedly admitted that what she did was wrong and discriminatory. She even invited us to dinner in their bar. Within 24-hours, she turned from foe into our ally. Because she felt that my pain is REAL. She will even support the complaint we have filed at the security administrators of the mall.

The complaint is now being given high priority. A meeting to discuss the discriminatory policy will be set between me and the management of the mall. A meeting with the security administrators of the mall and the bars and STRAP is also being arranged.

All this in less than 3 days!

Because I'm hurt, my emotions are raw, wild, and bluntly honest. I believe that being honest and transparent about what I have felt gave credibility to my concern. They have felt my pain in its purest form. Anger is a natural response to such a situation. I may not be always good in hiding my emotions but I know how to restrain myself. I may shout but I don't inflict violence. I am not even inflicting any personal, below the belt attacks to any of this people. To remain purely calm is ideal but remember this: the storm might seem quarrelsome but its center is always calm.

I have been trained in customer service before. And in our training, it's okay for customers to shout, curse. We let them vent. Not letting them vent just makes the pressure heavier. And please, even Zen monks get angry, violently.

[Jim Beaux]

Sass,

For starters, I've got a fairly high IQ but an awfully, woefully low empathy quotient. I'm pretty good at think-think-think. I'm crap at feel-feel-feel.

I had no intention of implying I could have done better with the manager. As I stated, I'm pretty sure I would not have coped well with the situation. Whether on a think-basis or a feel-basis.

And can I agree that STRAP strategy and tactics are to be decided by STRAP? I'm not Filipino, I'm not TS. And I recognise there is greater expertise and experience that can be brought to bear in both areas.

It's good to hear that there has been a rethink in this instance. Perhaps one step forward in overall terms?

Finally, on a personal level I hope you will continue to bring these topics to tgirltalk. I'm open, willing to listen, interested in learning. I'm neither an expert on TS matters, or life in the Philippines. I can only say that I am interested.

Best wishes,
Jim

[Ecstatic]

Finally, this case is moving at an unimaginable speed. Within 24-hours, the manager of the bar apologized to me and my friends. She unreservedly admitted that what she did was wrong and discriminatory. She even invited us to dinner in their bar. Within 24-hours, she turned from foe into our ally. Because she felt that my pain is REAL. She will even support the complaint we have filed at the security administrators of the mall.

This is good to hear! I'm glad you were able to reach her and that she turned around this way.

[sass]

This is the latest update to this incident. :-)


x---------------------------------------------------------------------x
Rebel without a clue
Sassy

By Patricia Evangelista
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 00:14:00 06/15/2008




SHE WEARS A BLUE DRESS WITH BILLOWY SLEEVES, A ribbon wrapped around her small waist. Her nails are long and pale, her fingers long and delicate, her hair long and smooth and straight. There is vanilla in her tall cup of fluffy coffee, and she drops her chin on her palm when she talks about falling in love for the first time. He was 16, she was 17, and even now, she remembers how he held her hand for the first time. There has never been anyone serious since then, after all, she considers herself a 19th-century romantic, and requires sparks and true love.

Her name is Sass, although when she was born 27 years ago, the doctor said she was a boy.

Sass is one of the co-founders of STRAP, the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines. At 3:30 on a sunny Monday afternoon, she gives an impromptu lecture on defining what a transgender is.

There are four terms to understand, says the girl in blue dress. First: gender assignment—the legal sex, the male/female box on the passport and the birth certificate. Second: gender identity—the gender felt, the gender “you believe yourself to be.” Third: gender expression—the outward manifestation of gender, the clothes, the hair, the flick of the wrist, the swing of the hip or the manly gait. Fourth: gender preference—who a person is attracted to, romantically, sexually.

The transsexual, says Sass, is the person with a gender identity opposite to the gender assignment. Transsexualism is a medical term, which is why many of them prefer to be called transgender.

Sass says society believes in linear gender: A male must believe himself a man, dress male, and love a female. There are many permutations to gender, she says, and is herself a woman born male who loves men and adores three-inch heels. Her shoe collection includes red leather peep toe stilettos from Janilyn, and patent leather beige pumps from CMG (“I got them on sale. What’s your shoe size?”).

Three days before her birthday, on the eve of STRAP’s anniversary, she and her friends went to celebrate in Ice Vodka bar, on the third level of Greenbelt 3. It was a Saturday night. She wore a short black dress, and high heels, and led the way into the bar.

The bouncer stopped them at the entrance. He said they were dressed inappropriately. Sass says otherwise. She says they were dressed decently and tastefully. Perhaps he meant they were dressed like women.

Sass insisted on seeing the manager. They let her in, her friends were left outside. She was met by Belle Castro. Sass asked why she and her friends were being kept away.

Miss Castro, says Sass, was sympathetic, even respectful. She explained that “people like them” were not allowed into the bar every Friday and Saturday. She said that there was an agreement between all the bars in Greenbelt, including Absinthe, and Café Havana, and Ayala Corp., owners of the Greenbelt complex.

The reason for the policy, she was told, was that many foreigners were complaining that they were being misled into thinking that “people like them” were real women. Sass called them discriminatory. The manager said that it was their “choice” to implement the policy.

Sass left. Her friends plied her with alcohol, told her to forget it, and said that it was OK, there are other bars, and that they were probably just ahead of their time. Sass was angry. She walked back to Ice Vodka, and asked the manager why she was being f— discriminated in her own f— country—and why f— foreigners had the right to kick her out of a bar. The manager asked her to speak decently. Sass walked out.

When Sass tells her story now, her voice rises shrill. “Decently?”

Sass went home, to her loft with the red stairs and white walls, to the small room where she keeps her computer and studies long distance under a grant from the United Kingdom. She could not sleep, could not forget, so she sat down and wrote a letter, the same open letter that is now circulating in blogs and forums online. She called it People Like Us.

She began with a quotation by Eleanor Roosevelt, that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. “My friends and I have been made to feel inferior approximately five hours before I wrote this letter. I’d like to sweep this incident under the proverbial rug but there is no more space to accommodate it.”

She apologized for swearing at Ms Castro, but it is the only thing apologetic about the letter.

“This may not be the proper forum to raise this concern. But is there any reliable legal forum to address this issue? Reality check: there is no antidiscrimination law in this country. And if you’re discriminated, there seems to be a notion that you’re supposed to blame yourself for bringing such an unfortunate event to yourself.”

It was a short letter, but Sass says it was longer before she cut it down.
“I am standing for myself. I am standing for people like us. I am standing up because I, am, very tired of this incivility. We have long endured this kind of treatment for far too long. Enough.

“People like us would like to be treated just like any other human being. Just like those foreigners who complained about our existence: With dignity.
“You know the civilized and ethical thing to do: Stop discrimination in your establishments.”

The next evening, Sass walked into Ice Vodka, clutching her letter. She was met by Ms Castro, who asked her how she was even before reading the letter. The manager said she was hoping to see Sass again, because she had a sleepless night, and could not understand why she would do such a thing. “It melted my heart,” says Sass.

Ms Castro told Sass that the policy was a result of a security briefing about crime prevention in Greenbelt that included transgenders as prostitutes.
Sass sent a letter to Ayala, and got an immediate call from Ayala Property Management. A meeting was set. At the meeting, they reiterated what they told her initially, that they do not tolerate discrimination in their premises, that they don’t ban “transvestites” in their premises. Sass suggested they use the word transgender. They clarified their policy about surveillance of suspected sex workers, and said they did not apply specifically to transgenders, but all suspicious individuals. They admitted, Sass claims, that immediately equating being a transgender to being a sex worker is wrong. Ayala has promised to investigate the matter. Sassy says that everything felt surreal. “They actually listened to me.”

Their letter came after the meeting. “…We empathize with you .… We wish to clarify that we do not have any agreement whatsoever with Ice Vodka Bar or other merchants in our mall to prohibit transsexual women from entering Ayala Mall. Rest assured that we have noted your recommendations and will brief our merchants to be more sensitive in attending such matter to prevent the recurrence of the same incident.”

The girl her classmates in all-boy San Beda College nicknamed “Sassy” is happy, and before she said goodbye, she showed off a picture of her in her old school uniform. Khaki pants, a white shirt and leather shoes—and the same wide, wide grin.
* * *
A documentary called “My Sassy Girl” about Sass Sasot will air today at 3:30 p.m. on ANC’s “Storyline,” along with other stories about other rebels who choose to fight.
* * *

<!--[*cebu*]-->
Copyright 2008 Philippine Daily Inquirer.

[Ecstatic]

Great follow-up, and an excellent summation of the four essential gender concepts. Progress, while it may be slow, is happening.

[ami7mina]

I have read it.. I don't think she should apologize to that bar owner. It's not her job to discriminate!

besides it's none of the bars business if the foreigners were "tricked". it's not their business. it's a personal matter. Why should people like us be blamed.

and now that i've read the continuation:
I would like to say that equating sex workers with transexuals/transgenders is offensive. We may not be rich, but we are not that poor and we have pride. tyhat's just simply d.u.m.b. what can i say, i wish there was a hatred for homophobes here lol.


offtopic:They say that there'll be a party list in 2010. that will pass the anti-discrimination law. I want to vote!
but I'm not a registered voter. any instructions? or links? lol thank you so much it'd be so helpful :)

[Bad123456]

i agree 100% to this to make at least an excuse:mad:

[GerryBass]

[QUOTE=sass;51718]I appreciate all the advice.

STRAP has both local and international connections. We have levers but we are not yet using all of them as we want to exhaust the resources that we have in hand before we lay our other cards on the table. We may be a very small and informal organization but taking into consideration our limited resource we have actually achieved a lot. Nonetheless STRAP is not a nanny activist organization. We are promoting self-empowerment and standing for yourself because doing so inspires other people to stand up for themselves.

[flofofs09]

One of the brother/sister teams had the same tattoos, girls on her back, guys on his leg, and it was some symbol that meant family strength. Can anyone tell me what it was? And/Or have a pic of the design?