Tgirls make it impossible for us guys...

[karizma]

Hey everyone - or anyone, who reads this thread.

i come back to this forum after a long time, to share a few thoughts.

I'm 22, 5'10, in good shape, and all around not bad looking. i've had a few girlfriends, ( 1 ts gf * in college)...

i just wanted to vent on this :


it's SO hard to meet a tgirl, especially one to date. i live in a big midwest city, frequent the nightclub scene, and have even visited nyc and l.a to check out the "bar scene" for the t-community.

this is what it always boils down to:

1.) if a girl actually talks to me and seems interested, 99% of the time she ends up being an escort. i'm not knocking on escorts, i respect everyone - however, they don't exactly work well as girlfriends if u catch my drift.

2.) the other 1% of the time, the girl might give me her number or something, when i call - turns out she is an escort as well. i actually struck up a friendship with an escort before, took her out to lunch, etc - i figured, hey, why not , she might make a good friend. in the end she was so money hungry she completely blew me off when she realized i didnt want to cash in eventually. she called me all sorts of names and mean stuff - just bc i was interested in her in a non-business sense.

3.) if i ever have the luck of seeing a single, attractive t girl, and i talk to her -( usually on the net, as this rarely happens in real life ) , i get labeled as a t-chaser. a t-chaser? are you saying you DONT want to date the guy that actually likes/accepts your transition and struggle? what the heck? it's like not allowing a kid in a candy store because he has a sweet tooth.

in college i met a ts and we dated for a bit - but now that i'm out of school things are significantly different. i don't pay to date, i dont want to hire an escort, but id really like to be englightened on what i can do to broaden my dating horizons. tips from the ladies???

heres a recent pic...see? i'm not a monster or anything..

[Jordan]

You make a good point, but bars are not really where you will find Ms right. have you tried a tg dating site? There are some out there, or even on Craigslist there's a romance section, check your city's. Best of luck to you!

[Mandy M]

Seems like you've been barking up the wrong tree in a very large forest.

Maybe you could try the local weekly papers personals section. My guess is if you post an ad saying young, attractive, and understanding guy looks for xyz.... you might have some luck. If that doesn't work, try getting involved with an organization that advocates for trans-gender rights, maybe you'll make some good friendships and establish yourself in the community. If nothing else you'll be doing a good thing, even if you have ulterior motives.

Believe it or not, most trans-women are not sex workers, but if you go to bars that girls work at, or you look at web-boards that have an element of the sex industry, you are going to have a difficult time.

And if all that doesn't work, then you have an option: find an escort or stick with not having a ts in your life.

[karizma]

sigh.

it's an uphill battle - but i refuse to do the escort thing.
hopefully one day it will just happen for me. whether its from craigslist, the bookstore, a forum, or elsewhere, i hope i meet the right girl for me..:-/

[justatransgirl]

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[syntax]

I think i've mentioned something similar to you in another thread...

but your being very specific with who you are looking for.

I think in many ways, that's the problem....

[karizma]

Maybe i AM too picky,

but dating somebody who has sex with other people is a no-no for me...i dont think i could give myself to someone who was physically involved with other people on a daily basis. i would have no problem if a girl used to be an escort, or stopped being one while she was with me. i'm no richy rich but i'm not cheap or anything either, ive always taken care of girls ive been with. in any case, ya'll are right, its like finding a needle in a haystack.

[maggiegee]

Seems like you've been barking up the wrong tree in a very large forest.

Maybe you could try the local weekly papers personals section. My guess is if you post an ad saying young, attractive, and understanding guy looks for xyz.... you might have some luck. If that doesn't work, try getting involved with an organization that advocates for trans-gender rights, maybe you'll make some good friendships and establish yourself in the community. If nothing else you'll be doing a good thing, even if you have ulterior motives.

Believe it or not, most trans-women are not sex workers, but if you go to bars that girls work at, or you look at web-boards that have an element of the sex industry, you are going to have a difficult time.

And if all that doesn't work, then you have an option: find an escort or stick with not having a ts in your life.



Actually Mandy, studies show that between 30 and 50% and in some inner cities as high as 70% of TS's are sex workers. I can send you link to a pdt on my web site if you like.

And karizma, you are young, but honey what's wrong with dating an escort? I'm not talking about a ghetto rip you off girl, but a real girlfriend type escort. Though of course she's not going to be cheap.

It costs a lot to be a girl, and if you can't properly take care of her she's often going to find someone who can. It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man.

And you aren't going to find many "nice" t-girls in bars or on CL or even on the internet for that matter. It's a needle in a haystack for your guys, and I'm sorry. So save your pennies and find a nice escort and enjoy yourself.

Hugs,
TS Jamie :-)


I am going to agree with just about the totality of what Mandy has stated.

1. I would concur that the vast majority of transwomen are not in the sex
industry. Jamie, at your leisure, would you be so kind as to provide a link to
the study you have alluded to.

2. However the sad reality is that if you are seeking a mate from the bar
scene or on transrelated porn sites, there is the very high probability that
you will encounter a 'working girl', not that there is anything ethically or
morally wrong with that, bu that is not what the OP is seeking.

3. I would heed Mandy's advice and try some of the dating sites such as
tsmatch.com, tgmatchmaker.com, tsgirlfriend.com and the like.

I would also suggest that you engage in an altruistic activity with either
an on-line group or real world group that deals with transrights. In that
capacity you are bound to learn more about the community that you have
professed an affinity to. At a minimum you will have served a greater good,
broadened your perspectives, and perhaps make some friendships along the
way.

4.
And karizma, you are young, but honey what's wrong with dating an escort? I'm not talking about a ghetto rip you off girl, but a real girlfriend type escort. Though of course she's not going to be cheap.

It costs a lot to be a girl, and if you can't properly take care of her she's often going to find someone who can. It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man.


And to re-iterate a previous point, there is nothing inherently evil or wrong
about dating an escort, though it can be a difficult endeavour for both
parties, and is fraught with many things to weigh before entering into it.

However, not all women are desirous or in need of being taken care of.
There are many women who have jobs and careers that provide for their
material needs.

For myself personally when I contemplate a mate, I view us as partners, with
each one bringing something to the table.

And as a transwomen I am more than aware of the many, many transition
related costs. And I am very fortunate that I have gotten all of my transition
exspenses out of the way, and realize that this may not be the case for a
younger transitioner, yet I would maintain that there are many women who
are not looking for a sponsor, but rather a partner in life and love.

[seanchai]

I've read/heard the same "sob" story numerous times and I agree with a lot of what you had to say, however, when I was single and dating, I had no problem meeting non-sex worker TS girls and no issues with being called a "tranny chaser" ever. I met girls through AFF, yahoo personals, etc. approached them as I would any other girl with humour and respect and made no allusions to anything to do with transgenderism and spent time emailing them and arranging to meet. Not all of them were great experiences but some were...

[AngelOrtega]

you know alot of the guys who are seeking a girl, want them to be fulltime. I dont understand that cause I mean some girls its hard to transition so they do "Other" things. I have no problems with my transition so far. I have work backing me up. I have alot of friends who support me, and I can say I have made a dramatic Transition.... This is gonna be one to post for the records, but heres four pics of my transition, FROM WAY BACK WHEN till now But all the same with you saying that you cant find a girl whos actually looking for an exclusive relationship with you, Its hard for most girls to find an exclusive guy, especially when they are Starting or Part Time, which I think is BS cause even the ugliest ROOTS can blossom into the most BEAUTIFUL garden!

Pic 1 18 yrs old and 24 or 25
Pic 2 Horrid
Pic 3 Some extras and
Pic 4 Me now, wearing foundation and AT WORK! well on break at the time of course

[AngelOrtega]

Oh no my pics changed, The third is my newest and the last is the horrid pic haha Thats funny

[BeardedOne]

you know alot of the guys who are seeking a girl, want them to be fulltime. I dont understand that cause I mean some girls its hard to transition so they do "Other" things.

As you say "...a lot..." I feel good that someone doesn't pigeon-hole all of us in the same file. :)

I've known a fair number of gurls over the years, some as friends, some as intimates, some as client/provider relationships. I've generally been comfortable with all of them in most all situations. I've known a couple that drift in and out of 'boi mode' for whatever reason, and I've never had a problem with that. It helps that I am bisexual/omnisexual and that most of my social encounters are in surroundings where gender is not what defines a person or couple.

I recently had a most lovely evening with a most lovely gurl and by the end of the night my neck muscles had tensed up to the point that I almost 'turtleized' (Where your neck contracts so much that your head almost enters your body), yet it had not a wit to do with my companion (Who, in fact, by her mere presence relaxed me enough that my muscles didn't turn to stone completely), but with the fact that I just don't 'do' public very well. :-?

If a gurl that I know has transition issues and 'blends genders', as it were, I'm sure that I'd find a way to adjust to what works for her.

To the matter of escorts or former escorts: Sex worker or steel worker, if I truly cared for her I'd find a way to work it out. Of course, my first genuine 'girlfriend' (In my heart and mind, if not in hers) was a common street whore (And I am NOT saying that in a derogatory sense, but as a reasonably accurate description of her profession at the time), so my view on the matter is extremely subjective. Your mileage may vary.

[AngelOrtega]

I never have and Never will, unless I was just bieng bitchy lol But seriously there are legitimate guys and girlz out there.... as someone said earlier NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK

[BXV2]

have you tried a pride event or something along those lines even an evening dance. they have dances about once a month here through the Okanagan Gay and Lesbian Organization. maybe there is something similar where you live.

[IndyCloset]

Hmmm, What you need to do is basically step your game a little. Every single Tgirl I've known is or was an "escort". But that didn't stop me, and I "NEVER" had to pay for any.

Most escort will try you in the begaining when you first meet so just let them know from the gate that your not about that and if they're still interested then let the games begain. It's all about timing to and it's good to have a car obviously (just a regular car is perfered because sadly the more stylish the car is the more focus they'll be in trying to get you for dough and we're trying to avoid that right) And lets face it a tgirl with a average shoe size of 9 1/2 cramed in a 4inch what ever is going to be warry by nights end. Which is where the timing comes in at. It takes a little patients and each prospect is a learning experience just like dating in general.

You don't strike me as the hit and run type so the good news is that allot of the tgirls that happen to be "escorts" arent really bad once you get to know them. So like I said if you be a little patient and choose your prospects carefully you just might find the friend your looking for......with benefits